How to Build Habits Without a Perfect Routine
Photo by Marco López on Unsplash
I usually see myself as an organised person, someone who’s on top of things. But for over a month now, I’ve felt overwhelmed. I’ve tried to manage and prioritise my to-dos, making sure I’m not planning more than I can handle. And yet, things keep slipping. An impromptu plan with cousins, an urgent task that swallowed a whole day, a bug that had me sleeping 18 hours a day for three days… whatever the reason, I’ve been falling behind.
I haven’t been able to get into the “zone.”
I even tried taking my own medicine — examining if I was procrastinating (turns out, yes, a little), and what might help me break the cycle.
But one recurring thought stood out:
“If only I had no other distractions. If only things went according to plan.”
Reality check: Not going to happen.
Will there ever be a day where I follow a perfect schedule and get everything done exactly the way I want? Maybe, but only if I get lucky. And I can’t expect to be that lucky often. Too many things are outside my control: falling sick, a client requesting a last-minute call, someone rescheduling and throwing off my carefully planned day… just to start with.
Even my own reactions aren’t always in my control. Sometimes I can’t be the wise, calm person I wish to be in the face of disruptions.
In the early stages of coaching, I often hear similar stories from clients. They tell me they really want to focus on our work together, but there’s just too much going on. Other priorities took over. The week was harder than expected and they will be better in future. Underneath all of it, I hear a quiet hope: “Things will settle down in a few weeks.”
But most of the time, they don’t. Especially for my clients from the startup world. Even for others, the pace of life rarely slows. There’s always another fire to fight, another thing to fit in.
That’s why I now offer a reality check early in the coaching process:
Life may continue to be like this. You might keep getting pulled into urgent tasks.
So, in the midst of all that, what do you want to do?
Swiss psychologist Marie-Louise von Franz called this the “provisional life.”
“There is a strange attitude and feeling that one is not yet in real life. For the time being, one is doing this or that… it is not yet what is really wanted, and there is always the fantasy that sometime in the future the real thing will come about. If this attitude is prolonged, it means a constant inner refusal to commit oneself to the moment.”
What if this — this — is how your life is going to be?
What if the external chaos never stops?
What if your workout or eating habits always take more effort than they “should”?
What if there’s always one colleague who annoys you?
What if you never get that stretch of calm, predictable weeks to bring out your best?
The starting point is to accept what is — without waiting for the fantasy future to arrive.
We’re often locked into a mindset that British economist John Maynard Keynes once captured beautifully:
“He does not love his cat, but only his cat’s kittens; nor in truth the kittens, but only the kittens’ kittens, and so on forward forever to the end of cat-dom.”
(Hat tip: Oliver Burkeman)
We keep postponing joy, clarity, and focus to some imagined “better” future. But what if you started living fully now?
Even seasoned runners don’t run the same distance or speed every day. Their performance varies with food, sleep, weather.
A meditation session is not good or bad based on how still your mind was. Some days you’ll be distracted. That’s okay.
The practice isn’t about never getting lost in thought; it’s about noticing when you do, and gently returning.
Same with building habits. The key is not never falling — but how quickly you restart.
That’s how I define “regularity”:
It’s not about never missing a day.
It’s about starting again, the very next day.
It’s about doing your best given your circumstances — even if that means a 1km run instead of 3, because you’re exhausted.
That’s also how I encourage my clients to think about behaviour change and habit formation.
When you accept that this — your current schedule, your messy life — is how it might always be, you can either feel demotivated…
Or you can feel free.
You stop waiting. You stop being intimidated.
You begin making the best of what’s available.
Start. Even if it’s messy. Even if it’s small.
Starting is better than perfect. Start today.
P.S. If you liked this, you might also enjoy: The Case Against Self-Improvement
If you’d like to read more from me like this directly in your inbox, you can head here to subscribe to my newsletter.
