Why Most Habits Don’t Stick — And What to Do Instead
Photo by Lindy Baker on Unsplash
This blog post is Part 2 of “How to Build Habits Without a Perfect Routine.”
I hadn’t originally planned for this, but when a reader asks for something, you deliver!
Their specific request was for a follow-up focused entirely on the solution — as detailed as the situation I described last time.
As I started writing, I felt some resistance. A voice in my head said, “You won’t be able to offer a perfect solution — it varies from person to person.” And anyway, wasn’t the whole point of my last newsletter that it’s okay to start building habits in a messy, imperfect, even chaotic way?
So, here’s my invitation: read this with the same lens. These ideas aren’t about perfection. They’re about how to get started, mess and all. The goal is to overcome inertia and find your own path as you go.
Where we get stuck
At the risk of generalisation, I’d say most of us are fairly disciplined when it comes to work. It’s in two other areas where we often struggle:
Personal habits — around physical or mental health, learning, or hobbies
Softer, behavioral shifts — like being more present with loved ones, managing stress better, or changing how we show up
Even at work, we may find ourselves procrastinating on important (but not urgent) tasks or struggling to prioritise. Some of what I share below may help there too. (You can also read more on how to deal with procrastination here.)
👉Start in a staging environment
The first step — no matter what area you’re working on — is to start small, and in a kind of sandbox or staging environment.
What I mean is: pick one specific time, person, or situation where you’ll try something different. Instead of aiming for a personality makeover, aim for a 1% shift.
Examples:
Meditate for just 5 minutes, twice this week
Walk 1000 extra steps, three days this week
Let person ABC finish their thought in Friday’s meeting before jumping in
Create only one 1-hour slot daily (outside meetings) where you don’t check social media
👉Don’t change everything at once
If you’re trying to build new habits, don’t stack them all together.
For example: deciding to wake up early, go to the gym, and meditate — when you haven’t been doing any of these — is a recipe for overwhelm.
Instead:
Wake up just 15 minutes earlier, and do nothing else, or
Go for a short 10-minute evening walk, or
Try 5 minutes of guided meditation before bed
Pick one thing. Keep it small. Let it be easy for your mind and body to say yes.
👉Find your own version of discipline
Discipline looks different for everyone.
I used to think my father was incredibly disciplined. He’s been going for evening walks for over 30 years — rain or shine. On days when he was busy, he’d go at 10 pm. I could never match that, I thought.
But over time, I realised: what sticks is what we find value in.
His walks help his digestion. That’s his motivation. For me, it’s journaling — I stick to it because it keeps me sane. Meditation is something I keep returning to as well, but it takes a backseat while I travel. And that’s okay. The feeling of spaciousness it gives me brings me back to it when I need it, over and over again.
Discipline is easier when it’s supported by motivation.
👉Ask: Is this a full-body yes?
Why do you want to build the habit? Because you should? Or because you feel it deep in your bones?
Sometimes, we want to want something. (Not a typo.)
For example, you may want to be the kind of person who loves being active — but truthfully, you enjoy being still. In that case, the drive isn’t internal.
If you’re not fully committed, acknowledging that can feel like a relief. It lifts the burden of all the habits you haven’t yet built.
I tried strength training in various forms — yoga, gym — multiple times. It never stuck. I probably didn’t need it back then.
But this year, after reading Outlive and understanding how crucial muscle strength is for long-term health, I found new motivation. And for the first time in my life, my muscle mass is in the normal range! (It used to be below average.)
👉Focus on the intention, not the habit
Get to the root of your intention, and try fulfilling that, not just the habit.
I’ve always wanted to eat healthier. But with PCOD-induced sugar cravings, avoiding sugar has been a lifelong battle.
About two years ago, I discovered that if I have one cup of coffee with sugar in the afternoon, I don’t crave sweets later. In the past, trying to cut sugar entirely meant I’d end up ordering dessert at night — undoing everything I’d worked for all day.
Now, I relish that afternoon coffee. It helps me eat cleaner overall. And there’s no guilt.
👉Make it joyful (or at least meaningful)
I tried walking. I tried the gym. Neither lasted.
I used to love playing badminton with my cousins back home — but it’s hard to find people to play with here (especially at my “bad” level 😄).
Then, in 2022, I signed up for my first trek. They recommended a certain running pace to prepare. I took it seriously — and found that I actually enjoyed running! I also realised I didn’t enjoy treadmills — but I liked running outdoors. Same with swimming — I prefer the sea over pools.
Still, it didn’t become a regular habit. Delhi’s extreme weather makes it hard. So now, I sign up for treks — they give me the motivation I need to keep running. A running buddy could do the same. And these days, I make peace that I am at least moving my body with strength training when I don’t run.
👉Be kind to yourself
If your day is already packed, don’t try to squeeze in a new habit on top of everything else. Your mind and body need rest, too.
Anything new you add should replace something else — not steal from your rest.
On particularly busy days, I skip meditation or reading. If I’m physically exhausted, I let myself rest. And I feel just as proud of that as I would after a workout.
This letter has already become quite long, so I’ll pause here. There are plenty of smaller tips and tricks I haven’t included — but I hope what I’ve shared gives you a gentle nudge to get started.
Take what makes sense. Leave the rest.
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