Why High-Achievers Struggle With Career Changes

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash‍ ‍

I have now been asked this question multiple times:

How did I figure out, and then actually take the leap to become a coach when I started with an engineering degree and a consulting career?

Some people ask out of curiosity.

But for many others, the question is really an attempt to make sense of their own path. These are often people going through (or contemplating) a change themselves, and sometimes exploring coaching with me.

And interestingly, this usually happens after they’ve finally achieved what they had wanted for so long… the thing they worked incredibly hard for.

And then comes this feeling:

“Is this really what I worked so hard for?”

Sometimes something simply feels lacking.

Sometimes they’re not enjoying it as much as they thought they would.

Sometimes they realise they value something else much more now. Something important enough to make them question whether they still want the same life.

But obviously, changing tracks based purely on feelings feels impractical.

Because then come the questions:

• What if this is temporary?

• Maybe I just need to get through this difficult phase?

• I’m not someone who shies away from hard things. How can I let this go

• I’m not a quitter!

• What if I regret this later?

So people often stay stuck between:

• the discomfort of staying

• and the fear of leaving

A few examples of what this can look like:

Person A

Great college, MBB consulting, an Ivy League MBA, a product role at a great company.

Now questioning whether product is something they truly enjoy, and whether staying so far away from family in India is worth it.

Person B

Top school, Harvard master’s, great firms.

Realised those jobs didn’t bring as much joy as expected. Now wondering whether to pursue a PhD while questioning: What if I don’t like that either?

Person C

Worked across different roles before finally finding flow in product. Worked at a FAANG company. Left to build something independently.

Now feeling stuck and wondering: Should I ride this out? Or is this a pattern - that I just can’t stick to one thing?

Underneath all of these situations are deeper fears:

• Will I regret this later?

• What if I never get this opportunity again?

• Will others see me as flaky or incapable of following through?

• Does this mean I wasn’t strong enough to keep going?

Because many high-achievers build a strong identity around being someone who works hard, pushes through difficulty, and achieves what they set out to do.

But what they forget is that if someone like them is seriously considering a direction change, it is probably worth paying attention to.

Because they don’t chicken out easily.

And instead of immediately trying to answer “Should I leave?”, it can help to first explore what exactly is happening here?

Some useful questions can be:

• What did you imagine this path would give you?

• Are those things still being fulfilled?

• What feels missing right now?

• What is making you stay?

• What fears arise when you think about stepping away?

Differentiating between:

• short-term discomfort

• and deeper inner knowing

…can create a lot more clarity.

Because sometimes we are trying to escape discomfort.

And sometimes our values, desires, or non-negotiables are trying to tell us something important.

Which brings me to one of my favourite words:

Coddiwomple

To travel in a purposeful manner towards a vague or unknown destination.

To move forward with intention, curiosity, and trust… rather than with a rigid plan.

And sometimes, instead of treating these moments as irreversible decisions, it helps to think of them as coddiwompling.

Or experimenting.

Giving yourself permission to iterate.To manoeuver.To change direction along the way.

Sometimes that experimentation happens within the life you already have.

(Person A, for instance, realised they valued the standard of living in the US much more than they initially thought.)

And sometimes it means trying something entirely different.

(Person B decided to move countries and give a PhD a try.)

But in both cases, it means allowing yourself to move toward what matters — instead of staying attached to a past version of success.

So:

How are you coddiwompling in your life right now?

If you’d like some support to coddiwomple, I'd be glad to walk alongside.

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