Feeling Stuck Between Stability and Change?
Photo by Stefan Gessert on Unsplash
A common theme I’ve noticed in people considering a career change is this:
They feel the need to change gears, to shift direction, but they’re afraid to take their foot off the gas pedal.
The fear?
What if I fall behind?
What if this turns out to be a mistake?
After all, they don’t really know what terrain lies ahead.
And often, this notion of “falling behind” comes from comparing ourselves to those around us.
Most of us already know that we shouldn’t compare. We’ve heard it repeatedly — social media and LinkedIn only show a highlight reel, not the whole story.
And yet… we still compare.
We see what “they” have, and we want it too, which can feel even more frustrating because we know better.
Here’s the first thing I want to share: comparison is an innate trait.
Back in 1954, psychologist Leon Festinger proposed the Social Comparison Theory — suggesting that humans have an inbuilt drive to evaluate themselves accurately.
In the absence of objective benchmarks, we turn to others as a mirror to assess our own opinions, performance, and abilities.
So, comparison isn’t just natural — it can actually help us grow.
Festinger’s theory explains why we look to our peers: not just to measure where we stand, but also to clarify what we may want more of in life.
Coming back to career transitions, here’s the catch:
There’s no single, objective definition of success.
So, we tend to default to what’s visible and quantifiable — money, job title, the size of someone’s house, the number of vacations abroad.
Even when we say, “I don’t care about all that — I just want to feel fulfilled,” our brains still grasp for some benchmark.
And in the absence of anything else, social media becomes our scoreboard.
Which brings me to the second thing I want to share:
The grass really does look greener on the other side — for a reason.
This isn’t just a metaphor. It’s a real optical effect.
When you look at your own lawn from directly above, you can see the blades of grass and the dirt in between. But when you glance at your neighbor’s lawn from a distance and at an angle, the blades of grass block your view of the dirt. Your image of their lawn is entirely green.
That’s what makes comparison so tricky.
You see your mess and their picture-perfect version.
So yes, comparison can be motivating. It can help you notice new desires or explore different aspirations.
But without an inner compass, it becomes disorienting.
The key is to develop a clearer understanding of what drives you, and what your own self-assessment markers are.
Let’s take one example:
Suppose your goal is to reach a “retirement number” — that point where you don’t have to work for money anymore.
There are multiple paths to get there:
You could work extremely hard in high-paying jobs to hit that number as soon as possible.
Or, you could limit your lifestyle, reduce expenses, and aim for a smaller number — reaching it without pushing yourself as hard.
And of course, there are countless options in between.
There’s no right or wrong approach. It depends entirely on what matters to you.
If your priority is experiencing a certain lifestyle, to explore freely without worrying about money, the first route might be right.
But if you prefer a simpler pace and don’t care much for a posh life, the second option could suit you better.
Once you know your priorities, you can also temper your emotions when comparison creeps in.
Every decision has a cost.
But when you’ve chosen your priorities consciously, you also choose what cost you’re willing to pay — and what trade-off you’re okay with.
That clarity can become an anchor when comparison threatens to throw you off course.
And if you can’t stop yourself from comparing… maybe it’s time to pause and re-evaluate what’s truly important to you.
Reflect:
💭What areas of your life do you need to re-examine in light of your own priorities?
Not society’s, not LinkedIn’s — yours.
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