What Happens When You Stop Needing Everything to Go According to Plan
Photo by Josh Mills on Unsplash
“Death is boring. Life is much more fun. Things happen in life all the time. Unexpected things. Things you couldn’t possibly expect because they’re so very… unexpected!”— Jessica Townsend, Nevermoor: The Trials of Morrigan Crow
I have always found the idea of dying one day liberating (to be clear, about my own death, not anyone else's). Some people have found that weird, but when I first came across this quote, it felt like Jessica got me while also offering me a new perspective.
For me, the liberation came from the inherent meaninglessness of life. We can make whatever meaning we want of our lives, and yet not take ourselves too seriously because, in the end, it will always result in death. (Here's another piece with my reflections on death: What Death and Transitions Teach Us About Living Well)
So whether you do or don't do something, win or fail, it doesn't really matter. It's all of us playing around, putting on a character, and choosing what quests we want to pursue. Basically, we're all playing a game called life, and we can choose whatever we want without taking ourselves too seriously. (And by "game," I don't mean being frivolous, but approaching life lightly rather than carrying it as a heavy weight on our shoulders.)
Until about 7–8 years ago, I was a devoted plan follower. I thought through every possible scenario so I could keep everything under control. I had checklists and tables for all my short-term and long-term plans.
But things would still go against the plan.
Over the years, I've realised that I could either be stressed and disappointed about it, or trust the process. I became curious about why I needed clarity on everything in the first place. After all, many of the good things in my life happened because things didn't turn out the way I expected.
This need for clarity often comes from a desire for control, which can make us feel safe.
But what if we tread a little more lightly? What if we still held our intentions and desires, moved in a particular direction, and yet remained open to the possibility of discovering something we hadn't even imagined?
Haven't we all experienced a certain kind of boredom when everything has fallen into place and there's no newness left? We often create discomfort intentionally in those moments. We seek a challenge, a change, a fresh experience.
Maybe when things don't go according to plan, life is doing that for us.
And maybe we could respond with an emphatic yes.
Bottom line: maybe plans are kind of boring too?
I really like how Britchida, an illustrative painter, puts it:
“It’s about how we are not CEOs of our lives, deciding and forecasting ourselves like we are projects that could ‘work’ or ‘not work.’
Instead: we are the figures in a poem who don’t yet know what the poem is about. And when you live with a poem, you are rewarded for listening, for rereading, for giving it time.”
Thinking about our lives as a piece of art rather than a project to succeed in definitely feels more fun and exciting.
So with that, I wish for myself and for you:
...for things to happen. Unexpected things.
For things not to go to plan, but rather to come to life.
We can trust ourselves to navigate whatever comes our way. We can pivot. We can laugh and stay full of life. We can experience life as it unfolds, our eyes filled with wonder.
PS: If it still feels hard, maybe this definition of wonder from Maria Popova in The Marginalian will help:
“That edge state on the rim of understanding, where the mind touches mystery… our best means of loving the world more deeply. It asks of us the courage of uncertainty because it is a form of deep play… inherently open-ended, without purpose or end goal, governed not by the will to win but by the willingness to surrender to the experience and be transformed by it.”
And if you'd like support in navigating the life changes you're currently experiencing and exploring how to get the most out of them, I'd be glad to walk alongside you.
Click here to explore how we can work together.
